a window on my head

2010-02-18T13:08:00.001-08:00

I'm not entirely sure why I chose the title I did. Maybe because I feel as if my head is a house containing some interesting things you don't find everyday, and a window would make it easier to see inside. Maybe I think I'm in my head and need a place to run and play, but I can't always do that, so I'll look longingly out the window and not write my paper instead (current situation). Whatever the case, if one were to look through this window as it stands, they would conclude that while the house may have some cool things going on inside, there's not much happening near the window.
This would be the precise reason that in all likelihood, nobody will read this post. It helps me to write it, though. The link is still in my toolbar, reminding me that it's ready when I am.

I'm going to go get some Windex.

Almost 10:00 PM!

2009-01-08T20:51:00.001-08:00

When I'm not in school in a dorm surrounded by lots of people all the time, 10:00 PM seems so much later. I don't have anything to do, why not go to bed? Good question. Isn't ten too early to go to bed? Aren't I supposed to start a movie or something? I can't just sleep. How boring. I'll sleep when I'm dead. Or something. Whatever.

I'm going to bed now. Just try and stop me (you probably would succeed if you tried. Good thing you're just a blog reader. Thanks for reading my blog, blog reader. Out of all the blogs you could be blog reading, you chose mine. I am honored. Honored and tired).

Stop reading my blog and go to bed. You'll feel better in the morning if you do.

Powered by Qumana

For the sake of it

2009-01-03T21:17:00.001-08:00

I have to make a new post, because the last one is super deep and has been for the past 6 months. So here's to a new post in a new year. Whoohoo!

Powered by Qumana

Purpose

2008-06-09T14:59:00.001-07:00

I remember a scene from The Matrix Reloaded when Neo sees a now free Smith (no longer Agent) walking towards him. Smith goes on this big long speech about purpose, and then they start to fight, but of course Neo beats all of him because he's the One and Smith hadn't figured out he's like the Negative One yet. It's the talk I was thinking about. Smith is ticked at Neo not because he's trying to beat the system he was once apart of or anything, but because he took something away from him: purpose. "It is purpose that created us, that binds us, that drives us." Of course, Smith has no purpose now that he's rogue, and so his only "purpose" is to take it from others, namely Neo.

A keen observation by Smith, I would say, and a striking example of the danger of lacking purpose. Thank God none of us are able to drive our fingers into the torso of whomever-we-choose to transform them into ourselves. For that reason alone I think Smith is conceptually one of the best movie villains ever. Good thing he's a movie villain. Does this mean that it is any less dangerous for any of us to lack purpose? Movie fantasy aside, I say no. Each person has been given gifts and talents. For some these are more obvious than others. But without purpose, these gifts may turn harmful, both for their bearer and others. The term "loose cannon" comes to mind.

So I would say that we all should find some sense of purpose should we not have one already. I am coming face-to-face with this issue right now in my own life. I know I have been given many talents and gifts. They are obvious in a lot of ways. I was not given them for no reason, however. I was not made to be a loose cannon. Without purpose, those talents can and have handicapped me. For example, I know that I am fairly intelligent. Because of this, many things have been easy and even effortless for me which would and have been difficult for others. But those others have learned something because of that difficulty: discipline. I, on the other hand, have found it difficult to remain disciplined in many many areas of my life. Discipline is essential, though, if I am going to come to a point where I can use my gifts properly. So right now, that's what I'm seeking: discipline. A stepping stone in the microcosm of seeking purpose, which may not be as much a microcosm as it seems...

Powered by Qumana

Frustrated

2008-05-06T20:17:00.001-07:00

    Right now, I am sitting in my room, waiting to crawl into my bed to take a nap. Getting things done has become extremely difficult in these last couple of weeks, and I feel like doing absolutely nothing. I have a paper to write, and it's not that difficult, but I have been trying for two days and still have not even written one word. That can be discouraging, and it is.
    What is even harder, however, is the discouragement I feel daily simply being where I am. I am ready to be somewhere else, that is for certain. It has been a struggle for me this whole year, but all of what I have been feeling here and there has culminated in these last few weeks into me basically checking out and setting my sights on the summer time.
    I feel bad that I feel this way. I wish I could say I will be sad to leave, sad that the year is over. I wish I would genuinely miss more people this summer. Granted, I will miss people. I just wish I would miss more people.
    Is this bitterness? I don't tend to manifest my emotions in very clear-cut and visible ways. Is this a manifestation of an emotion with which I have had no previous experience? How much of how I feel is because of my surroundings, and how much is because of my own tendencies and reactions? I wish I knew. Change and solutions are easier to achieve when the problem is well defined. I would not know where to put the pin for how I feel right now. I know what the factors are, I just don't know how they fit.
    Frustrated. That's a clear word, I think.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Just for the sake of it

2008-04-03T03:26:00.001-07:00

I don't really have anything clever to say. I sat for a while trying to think of something clever to say, but I just remembered that never in my life have I ever just tried to think up something clever and succeeded. My wit has always been reactionary, and I somehow feel that my brain is not going to take a leap forward in this kind of proactive cunning anytime soon.

And I had to use a thesaurus to figure out that cunning would be a good word to use in order to avoid a repetition of the word clever, since I already used it 3 times. I hope it helped the quality of this post. Notice the post time.

Powered by Qumana

Trying something new...again.

2008-04-02T00:21:00.001-07:00

I have this habit of bouncing around between different web browsers from time to time. I have pretty much settled on Safari, but have just started looking at Flock...again. I am writing this post from its built-in blog editor. I am new to blogs and haven't made regular entries a habit yet, and am kind of writing this post for the sake of it, just to try it. Fun.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

We have been wronged.

2008-03-24T01:29:00.000-07:00

Orange slices (the candy, not the fruit) don't seem to have an official brand of their own (it might be Brach's or something; who really knows?), so in my mind their brand is the generic brand.

It would seem to me then that a gas station's section of generic candy kind of has to carry orange slices, and they almost always do. Except once, I went to look for some, and what I saw was discouraging, disenchanting, and even offensive. Not only were they not there, but worse -

There were cherry slices. Just like orange slices, except that they are cherry slices.

All I can do is sigh. For those of you who know me, you know what that sigh is.

That was not cool.